Confidence...self-esteem...self-value...self-worth...poise...assurance...pride...and on and on it goes. How can there be so many words in our language that describe a belief that your personhood is worth something and so few of us that would use them to describe ourselves? When I look around our world I see so many people either compensating for a lack of self-worth, abusing others due to a lack of self-value, people who clearly see nothing of value in themselves, and some who lack confidence, but have become experts at hiding it. The number of people I know who have true peace with themselves and see their value are few and far between...and I stand in awe of them.
A couple of months ago I sat in a Panera Bread, one of my favorite alone spots, completing some self-reflection that had been assigned to me regarding my need to please others. I was working on the task of internal validation vs. external validation. Such exercises require you to find worth within yourself without the need for someone else to validate you through some type of praise. So I wrote the question, "Why do I have value?" on my paper in order to provide answers that were not driven by helping or pleasing others. Then I stared at the paper for the next 35 minutes.
Somewhere around the 20 minute mark tears started filling my eyes; how could it be that I didn't have one answer to this question that wasn't based in someone else's needs? Before I sound too pathetic, let me explain further. I know that there are many people who love me and care for me. I know that if something were to happen to me that people would miss me and I know that I have mattered to others. The point of the exercise, however, was to describe the innate reasons you have value that have nothing to do with what you do, but focus on who you are. In nearly 35 years of life I had always quantified my value based on what other people had to say or how they saw me or how they felt about me. I am like a dog who quivers when hearing the words, "Good dog!" and slinks to hide under the chair when I hear, "Bad dog!"
It took me 35 minutes, well, 34 years and 35 minutes, but I finally came up with the beginnings of an answer. I have value because I am a loved child of God. My intrinsic value is found in who God created me to be no matter what I chose to do with myself. In other words, I don't have value because I have a college degree or by being a pastor or by being a good daughter or by being a good friend. I also don't lack value because I'm not a mother or a wife or beautiful or an athlete or extremely talented at music. I have value because God decided to create me; that I can us my created being to help others from time to time is just a bonus. I could have any profession and still have value. I could have a lot of friends or no friends and still have value. I can be single, married, divorced, or widowed and still have value. I can be a mother, stepmother, godmother, or just the best auntie ever and still have value. Because God created my being; my unique being.
Don't believe me? Consider these words from 1 Timothy, "For everything created by God is good, and nothing is to be rejected, provided it is received with thanksgiving; for it is sanctified by God's word and by prayer." (1 Tim 4:4-5, NRSV) So long as I am thankful for my creation then I am good, sanctified by God. I wish I could tell how much these concepts have begun to change the way I see myself. It makes me sad that it took me so long to see this wonderful truth about all created beings. Each and every created person of God has value and worth, including me, not because of what we do, but because we exist. If we chose to do evil with or "waste" the personhood given to us by God, then it may be that we don't have value in society, but we always have value to God.
So consider these questions: 1) Do you see this value in yourself?; 2) Do you recognize this value in others?; 3) Do you accept that the way society values people is not how God values people?; 4) If the answer to 1-3 is yes, then how will this change the way you treat yourself and others?
I am a work in progress and so I haven't fully incorporated this way of seeing and understanding myself into my life just yet. If you find yourself in a similar place I hope you will begin your own process. Look deeply at your soul and know that God sees you just as God created you; not the way society sees you. Don't ever let someone make you feel unworthy or less than them again. Don't rely on pleasing others to know you matter. You already matter to God! AND, so does everyone else. Let us look beyond clothes, titles, physicality and other markers of status to see the created being that God sees. For when you discover true value in yourself, you will also see the true value in others.
Could it be that this is what Jesus meant when he said, "You shall love your neighbor as yourself." (Matthew 22:39, NRSV) Love others for their created self and innate value, just as we love ourselves in this way? Interesting that in order to fulfill this commandment we have to love ourselves first. Make today that day, for this is the time to value yourself as God does!
Thursday, September 11, 2014
Friday, August 22, 2014
Times and Seasons of Life
Millennia before The Byrds turned Pete Seeger's song "Turn!Turn!Turn!" into a #1 Billboard classic, the writer of Ecclesiastes shared these words of wisdom: "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven..." (Ecclesiastes 3:1, NIV) The text continues with a 7 verse list of things that there are time for including birth and death, love and hate, war and peace, and weeping and laughing.
In the past I was often confused by this scripture because I thought the author was saying that God thought all of these things were "good," hence the giving of time for them. With age has come insight, if not wisdom, and I now understand that the author is simply explaining to the reader that these will be elements of life. There is no escaping them as part of our reality and our journey through life.
I desperately wished that Pete Seeger or the Byrds had thought to include some of the words in Ecclesiastes 3 that follow the "a time to" section because they give such wondrous insight as to what our response should be to these times. Consider these words of wisdom, "What gain have the workers from their toil?...I know that there is nothing better for them than to be happy and enjoy themselves as long as they live; moreover, it is God's gift that all should eat and drink and take pleasure in their toil." (Ecclesiastes 3:9, 12-13, NRSV)
In essence we are told that life will be full of ups and downs, goods and bads, easy times and hard times, but how should you handle this work of life? By finding happiness and enjoying life despite knowing that it won't always go your way and that, yes, there will be sadness and disappointment and hardship, but there will also be joy and love and generosity. Life will never be all good or all bad, it will always be some of both and they aren't likely to occur in balanced, even portions most of the time. Your mission? Find ways to enjoy life and embrace all your experiences.
Despite being a pastor, I am not usually one of those people that has scripture pop into their mind to cover whatever is happening in life; however, when my father was diagnosed with stomach cancer in October 2012 the words for Ecclesiastes 3 immediately came to mind. I decided that, while I wished circumstances were different, I would look for blessings and evidence that God was with me and loving me instead of focusing on what God wasn't doing (i.e. miraculously healing my father). When my mother was diagnosed with a rare form of leukemia in February 2013 this choice about my focus became a little harder, but I was determined. I prayed and prayed; for healing, for strength, for focus, for perseverance, for faith, and for an awareness that God was still at work in my life.
When my mother died 50 days later at age 62, the words, "a time to be born and a time to die" kept circling in my mind. It is one thing to know intellectually that birth and death are going to be part of life; it is another thing for them to become part of your reality. When my father died in October 2013, also at age 62, and I became an orphaned, only child at age 34, I would lay awake at night with these word swirling around in my mind. I understood that mourning and weeping was part of life, but when you are in such pain how can you eat and drink and find pleasure in your toil?
There were days when I was clinging to my faith by my fingernails. It often felt like I was hanging off a cliff and I knew if I let go I would fall into a deep ravine, possibly with no way out. Yet, there were blessings that happened along the way too. Small glimmers of light in the darkness of pain and grief. One was the love and support I received from those in my life. My churches gave me time off with pay and even bought plane tickets and rental cars to help with my expenses. Friends and family gave me places to stay, listening ears, and shoulders to lean and cry on. God sent me strength when I thought there was none left and precious moments with my parents in their last months of life. Perhaps you think this is just how it should be, and maybe your right, but you also must know that many people don't get such blessings. I was never alone, God walked beside me and when God knew I needed tangible support and love, God always, always, always sent a person into my life that gave some type of comfort or support.
I know that this, my first blog, is a bit serious and maybe a little sad, but I wanted to share my reason for the name of my blog. You see my goal is to share with my readers some of the times and seasons I see and experience in life. I promise there will be a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war and a time for peace. Never forget that during all of these times God is walking with us, or carrying us, or dragging us...we are never alone. A choice lies before us: How will you approach your times and season? My advice? Grab a chocolate bar, pour a nice drink, and contemplate the good that is always present, especially when the bad is overwhelming.
Blessings and peace!
In the past I was often confused by this scripture because I thought the author was saying that God thought all of these things were "good," hence the giving of time for them. With age has come insight, if not wisdom, and I now understand that the author is simply explaining to the reader that these will be elements of life. There is no escaping them as part of our reality and our journey through life.
I desperately wished that Pete Seeger or the Byrds had thought to include some of the words in Ecclesiastes 3 that follow the "a time to" section because they give such wondrous insight as to what our response should be to these times. Consider these words of wisdom, "What gain have the workers from their toil?...I know that there is nothing better for them than to be happy and enjoy themselves as long as they live; moreover, it is God's gift that all should eat and drink and take pleasure in their toil." (Ecclesiastes 3:9, 12-13, NRSV)
In essence we are told that life will be full of ups and downs, goods and bads, easy times and hard times, but how should you handle this work of life? By finding happiness and enjoying life despite knowing that it won't always go your way and that, yes, there will be sadness and disappointment and hardship, but there will also be joy and love and generosity. Life will never be all good or all bad, it will always be some of both and they aren't likely to occur in balanced, even portions most of the time. Your mission? Find ways to enjoy life and embrace all your experiences.
Despite being a pastor, I am not usually one of those people that has scripture pop into their mind to cover whatever is happening in life; however, when my father was diagnosed with stomach cancer in October 2012 the words for Ecclesiastes 3 immediately came to mind. I decided that, while I wished circumstances were different, I would look for blessings and evidence that God was with me and loving me instead of focusing on what God wasn't doing (i.e. miraculously healing my father). When my mother was diagnosed with a rare form of leukemia in February 2013 this choice about my focus became a little harder, but I was determined. I prayed and prayed; for healing, for strength, for focus, for perseverance, for faith, and for an awareness that God was still at work in my life.
When my mother died 50 days later at age 62, the words, "a time to be born and a time to die" kept circling in my mind. It is one thing to know intellectually that birth and death are going to be part of life; it is another thing for them to become part of your reality. When my father died in October 2013, also at age 62, and I became an orphaned, only child at age 34, I would lay awake at night with these word swirling around in my mind. I understood that mourning and weeping was part of life, but when you are in such pain how can you eat and drink and find pleasure in your toil?
There were days when I was clinging to my faith by my fingernails. It often felt like I was hanging off a cliff and I knew if I let go I would fall into a deep ravine, possibly with no way out. Yet, there were blessings that happened along the way too. Small glimmers of light in the darkness of pain and grief. One was the love and support I received from those in my life. My churches gave me time off with pay and even bought plane tickets and rental cars to help with my expenses. Friends and family gave me places to stay, listening ears, and shoulders to lean and cry on. God sent me strength when I thought there was none left and precious moments with my parents in their last months of life. Perhaps you think this is just how it should be, and maybe your right, but you also must know that many people don't get such blessings. I was never alone, God walked beside me and when God knew I needed tangible support and love, God always, always, always sent a person into my life that gave some type of comfort or support.
I know that this, my first blog, is a bit serious and maybe a little sad, but I wanted to share my reason for the name of my blog. You see my goal is to share with my readers some of the times and seasons I see and experience in life. I promise there will be a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war and a time for peace. Never forget that during all of these times God is walking with us, or carrying us, or dragging us...we are never alone. A choice lies before us: How will you approach your times and season? My advice? Grab a chocolate bar, pour a nice drink, and contemplate the good that is always present, especially when the bad is overwhelming.
Blessings and peace!
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